


The longing to stay, the need to go

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Erik Has Feelings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27994497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: There, in the dark, alone as the two slept, Erik could admit how much it hurt that he wouldn't stay.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	The longing to stay, the need to go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [faerie_ground](https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerie_ground/gifts).
  * Inspired by [in the valley of kings (you will come home)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27709055) by [faerie_ground](https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerie_ground/pseuds/faerie_ground). 



> I have to stop writing fics with Charles and Erik with kids, it's becoming a pattern now. And yet Su wrote this wonderful fic with them taking care of a baby and what was I supposed to do? NOT write Erik's pov of a soft scene from the first chapter? HA, funny.   
> Please go to Su's fic and read it so you can understand what this is all about and give Su some love as well.  
> Enjoy this soft and sad baby content ❤️

Erik looked at the baby in his arms and at the man asleep by his side on bed, both of them bathed by the darkness of the late hour, moonlight entering through the window that he himself used to come into the room and allowing him to see some of their features.

There, in the dark, alone as the two slept, Erik could admit how much it hurt that he wouldn't stay, that he wouldn't see that scene in front of him everyday like he desired to. He knew that if he allowed himself to do what he wanted, he'd stay and he'd take care of the little boy in his arms and of the man he had left behind more than once now. More than ever, he wanted to stay.

But he wouldn't.

He sighed into the silent room, resting his head on the bed frame and closing his eyes, trying to push back the overwhelming feeling of gloom at the thought of leaving again. His arms held Leo tighter, the warmth of the child warming him and making him not want to experience the cold that would come once he inevitably had to put Leo on his crib, trying to come up with reasons why leaving was better.

_ I'm the only one capable of destroying the facilities, _ he thought to himself, face hardening as he opened his eyes and looked down at the baby again. Leo was sleeping calmly, his chest rising and falling with his breathing as his mouth was parted, a pout on his lips that made Erik smile with endearment. If Erik didn't leave, if he didn't find the men responsible for experimenting on Leo and all the other mutant kids, more kids would suffer, and the anger came again as the memory that they dared experience on a child,  _ a baby, _ like Leo crossed his mind.

He needed to leave because of Leo.

And he needed to leave because of Charles, because he knew Charles was still angry at him and wouldn't want him there, as much as he looked pleased with his presence that night.

Erik looked down at the other man then, taking in Charles' sleeping form and feeling his throat close at the sight. In the dark, he could admit he missed Charles. There was a longing in his heart to see the man with Leo in his arms, taking care of him, the thought pulling some strings of Erik's heart. He knew he had been right in leaving Leo with Charles, he knew Charles would care for the child in ways that Erik couldn't, both because Charles had stability and a home, but also because of his shared mutation with Leo.

A thought crossed Erik's head about something he hadn't felt in a while, wondering if he could still experience that now after all those years, and slowly Erik took off his helmet. The results were immediate, and Erik had to blink a few times and take a deep breath once he felt the familiar feeling of Charles projecting while he slept, his thoughts soft and calm, covered with the haze of sleep.

His eyes widened, however, when he noticed that Leo was doing the same thing.

He felt both Charles' and Leo's telepathy reaching to his mind, a blanket of calm and good feelings almost overwhelming him. Charles' was more solid, a presence that Erik could identify easily, and the feelings he projected were more stable. Leo's seemed almost the complete opposite, a cloud that could be almost missed if Erik wasn't paying attention, weaker, but definitely there.

He ran his fingers through the boy's cheek, a soft gesture as he smiled down at Leo, before his hand moved hesitantly to Charles' head, his fingers running through his soft hair for a moment, a light touch so he wouldn't wake Charles. Charles' projection immediately changed at the caress, turning softer, comfort seeping from his mind. Erik wished he could feel that more often.

Erik retreated his hand, sighing and putting the helmet back on, suddenly alone with his own thoughts once again. If he stayed any longer feeling those things, letting Charles into his mind, he knew it would be even harder to leave.

He got up, trying not to wake Charles by accident and taking Leo to his crib, placing him there with a kiss to his head and watching him fuss for a moment before he calmed down again. He stared at the baby for a moment more, his heart clenching at how innocent and  _ fragile _ he looked there, more than ever determined to do everything in his power to protect Leo and other kids like him, like  _ them. _

"We're the same, aren't we?" Erik whispered, hand reaching out to take Leo's small hand in his, watching the small fingers against his ones. "But you had to go through the hell I went through at an even younger age. That's far from fair…"

Leo stayed asleep, oblivious to Erik's words, his hand closing around one of Erik's fingers and making Erik close his eyes again and take a deep breath. Taking Leo's hand from his felt almost impossible.

Erik was ready to leave, already making his way to the window when he stopped, his eyes moving to Charles again and staring for a moment longer. The longing in his chest seemed to hurt as he walked to the bed once more, leaning down and placing a kiss to Charles' cheek, thumb rubbing against his scalp as his mouth couldn't form the words  _ I'm sorry _ out loud. There was a lot he was sorry for.

When he left through that window again, it almost felt like Charles and Leo were trying to pull him back to them, but, once again, Erik couldn't listen to that pull. The night felt cold without Leo in his arms and Charles by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kuddos are more than appreciated and keeps an author's soul alive. Even a "❤️" or "+kuddos" are valid and will make me happy. ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/hllfire)!


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